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The Importance Of Figuring Out What Caused Your Breakup

vdd-couple-hikingAfter a breakup, if you decide that you want to try and win your ex back, one of the most important things you can do to get him back is to do some soul searching. It’s easy to want to put all the blame for the breakup on your ex, but most of the time, that’s not true. Sure, he had a part in it, but the reality is that you probably did too.

That’s a hard truth, and one that most people aren’t comfortable with admitting. Still, if you’re serious about getting back together, then before you do that, you’ve got to come to some understanding of why the breakup happened in the first place. If you’re not willing to do that, then there’s not much point in trying to get back together. After all, those problems that caused him to leave in the first place aren’t going to magically vanish when you get back together, are they? Of course not.

Once you identify the root causes of the breakup, and once you’ve honestly assessed your part in it, the next question you have to ask yourself is, what will you do differently next time? What changes are you willing to make in order to see that the problems don’t reappear, or are you willing to make any changes at all?

This is a very fine line, however. The man you’re ultimately with should want to be with you for who you are. If he’s trying to change you, then he’s probably someone you don’t want to be with anyway. That’s not what this is though. In this case, your man isn’t trying to change you at all.

He left because he couldn’t deal with some aspect of your personality. Everyone should be interested in self-improvement, however, and if, after some soul searching, you realize that you actually do have a shortcoming, it’s up to you to decide if it’s’ something you want to spend time working on improving.

Maybe, just to use an example, you have a codependency problem. You’ve got to be with the man in your life twenty-four hours a day, seven days a week. If you’re not, you freak out. Any time he’s away from you, you’re calling every ten minutes and asking where he is and what he’s doing.

6a00d8345211cf69e20115720f04c3970b-800wiFinally, your ex has enough of all that and dumps you. Now, maybe you don’t see this as a problem, and if not, then there’s no need to fix it, but if you agree with your ex that this is an area that could use some work, then YOU will ultimately make the decision to try and change that about yourself. That’s the distinction, it’s a decision you make, not him.

In any case, if you’re serious about getting your ex back, then this is a crucial step. If you never bother to uncover the problems that caused the breakup to begin with, then your new relationship is doomed to fail in the exact same way it did the first time.

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Disclaimer: Results may vary, and this information is not meant to be used as a substitute for help from a licensed professional.