Reflexively, after a breakup occurs, most women (and men too) say that they definitely want their ex back. That might be true, but you shouldn’t automatically assume that it IS true. Before you make that decision, you should have a “cooling off period.” Give you and your ex thirty days to think about it, and if, at the end of those thirty days, you decide that yes, you want him back, you can begin to put your plan into action.
Of course, during the course of those thirty days, you shouldn’t be moping around the house. You should be out living your life. Catching up with old friends, finding happiness without your man, making new friends, and generally being good to yourself. You should also use this time to answer these five key questions to decide if, after the cooling off period, getting your ex back is actually what you want to do. Here are the big questions to consider:
- List the three biggest reasons why you want him back. Yes, that means actually break out a pen and paper and write them down. By all means, if you can think of more than three, write them all down, but if you can’t even find three, then you’ve got to ask yourself if he’s even worth it.
- Are there any things about the relationship that makes you NOT want to go back? If so, what are they, and can you live with them? When you compare them to the reasons you want him back, how do the two lists stack up? This is an important consideration, because again, if you’re finding that the negatives outweigh the positives, you need to think seriously about the actual reasons for wanting him back in the first place.
- Every breakup has two sides, so what was your part in it? Was/is there something about you that drove him away, and would you be willing to change that in order to try and have a happy relationship with him? This is getting down to root causes. If, for example, you’re a very clingy person, and this was the reason your ex cited for breaking up with you, then unless you are willing to change that about yourself, you’re fighting a losing battle even trying to get back together, because that problem is still going to be there, and it will only drive him away again, even if you succeed.
- If you asked your ex to list your three best qualities, what do you think he would say? This is important because the answer to these questions will (or can) form the foundation for your strategy to get him back.
- What was the biggest fear you had when you were in the relationship with him? Was that fear something real, or was it just a worry that kept creeping into your mind, but wasn’t really founded on anything. This is the flip side of the coin above, because again, if you get him back, that fear’s still going to be there, and it could wind up working against you.
These are important questions to consider, so think about them carefully. They’ll help you decide whether fighting to get him back is ultimately the right call for you.
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