If you’ve ever visited dating sites, or sites that teach you how to “win” with women, one of the things you’ll quickly discover is the art of the “push” and “pull.” This kind of playful tug of war helps to create interest, excitement, and attraction. Whole books can, and have been written on the topic, but we’ll outline it briefly below. You can use this tool as a way to try and win her back.
Of course, in order to make use of it, you can’t just jump right in on the day after the breakup. Before you actually start implementing a plan to win her back, the first thing you need to do is give both of you some space and time. There were very real reasons why you broke up in the first place, and if you win her back, those reasons are still going to be there. The first step then, is to take some time apart and do some soul searching about what went wrong. A month is the usual recommended time for this.
During that time, you need to give some serious thought to two questions. First, what part did you play in the breakup? Was there something about you or your personality that drove her away? If so, then you’ve got to be willing to “work on you,” and seek to change or minimize that part of your personality before you can have any real hope of winning her back.
The second big question is this: Do you really want to win her back? After taking a month to think about it, you may decide that you don’t want to, and that’s okay. Maybe after that “cooling off period,” you’ll decide that you’re better off being apart. This is especially true if you realize that you aren’t at all interested in changing the part of yourself that drove her away in the first place.
If you decide that you are interested in winning her back, then you’ll gradually ease back into communication with her. Do this lightly at first. For example, if you’ve enjoyed a certain restaurant together, the next time you’re there on your own, send her a quick text: “Hi – just had lunch at (insert the name of the place), and it reminded me of the time we went there together and saw that crazy Mariachi band! Made me think of you…fun times.”
Leave it at that. If she responds at all, then it’s the beginnings of a conversation. If she doesn’t, then try again in a week or so. When you get to the point where she does start responding to you, you can begin to use a kind of playful tug of war to get her interest and attention up.
This works by drawing her into a deeper conversation with you, then playfully pushing her away. Get her laughing with you about shared good times, then ask her a question. Most any question will work, but hypothetical questions work best. You can even use the old standby of “what would you do if you won a hundred million dollars tomorrow?” (if you haven’t used that question already, of course).
When she gives an answer, whatever that answer is, playfully say something like, “Nope, that’s it, I’m afraid I can’t talk to you any more…not if you’re actually going to spend your money like that!” Then tell her how you’d spend the money and how it’s different. She’ll see the act of playfully pushing her away as a challenge, and it will actually have the opposite effect of drawing her in more closely.
You don’t want to overuse the tug of war method, but it can be a great way to increase her interest level in you again, and it increases the amount of communication between the two of you because it opens the door to continuing those conversations and taking them to a deeper level, which is exactly what you want! It’s a very powerful tool. Use it.
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