Women are emotional creatures. It’s their main form and method of communication. Men are typically not, meaning that you’re probably not. After a breakup, emotions are running high, but there are two important reasons why you need to try to keep them in check.
First, there’s the matter of simple practicality. Since women are emotionally-based and you’re not, if you get into a shooting war on that terrain, you’re probably going to lose. After all, she’s spent her whole life practicing that form of communication, which means she’s also highly skilled at fighting an emotional war. You’re not.
Why do you think it is that most men go to pieces when they see a woman they care about crying? Do you see women reacting the same way? Most of the time, you don’t. Sure, women respond to the tears of others, but they do so in a very different way. Let’s face it though, guys, trying to do battle with a woman on emotional grounds is lose-lose. Even if you happen to get the emotional upper hand, what do you think you’ll actually gain?
That brings us to the second reason why it’s never a good idea to commit to an emotional battle with a woman. If your eventual goal is to win her back, that’s just not the way to do it. Ever. First, your temper will get the better of you and you’ll say things just to hurt her. Those scars will remain fresh for a long time, and each one you inflict will make it that much harder for you to eventually win her back, and second, as we’ve said, it’s just not a fight you’re well equipped to win anyway, so don’t go there.
We’re not saying you shouldn’t respond at all to her emotions – obviously that would be just as bad as flying off the handle at her and trying to fight fire with fire. All we’re saying here is that you’ve got to be smart about how you respond to her, especially if your eventual goal is to get back in her good graces and someday win her back.
There’s a popular phrase in the “get your ex back” community: Be the island, not the waves. There’s a lot of truth to that. Her emotions…they’re the waves. They need to crash into and break across the shore of the island, but not move the island in the slightest.
When she comes at you with her emotional fangs and claws barred, you’ve got to do your utmost to rein in your temper, keep your cool, and respond to her with what you know. With what you’re good at. With the tools you’re genetically hard-wired to make use of. What are those? Men are practical, logical and pragmatic. Those are your strong points, and you need to make good, smart use of them.
Whenever possible, you need to try to minimize the amount of shouting and fighting in general. Do your best to keep and even tone and keep things civil. Try to keep things from flying off the handle, and IF she says something specifically designed to hurt you (and remember, she’s coming at you like an emotional hurricane, so she probably will), you need to understand that she’s almost certainly going to say things she doesn’t mean.
Match her every barb and vicious attack with cold logic and pragmatism. Don’t try to prevent her from having her emotional outburst, because since her emotions (though not necessarily outbursts of them) are her primary means of communication, she needs that. Think of it as a woman’s way of venting.
Also, let’s face it, if you’re having a big, heated fight during the course of a breakup, then you’ve almost certainly got some of the responsibility for the relationship’s ending, so take your lumps and go back to the man cave to lick your wounds once the dust settles. Then, you can start plotting a course of action to win her back if that’s what you want. The main point though, is that by keeping your cool, you maximize your chances of succeeding at that later.
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