If the woman you care about has broken up with you, and you’re working on a plan to get her back, that’s a good thing, and congratulations. It means you recognize that you’ve found a keeper, and are taking the necessary steps to make her happy.
Part of that, at least after a nasty breakup, means giving her space and time of course. Another part means working on you, and still another part means thinking longer term. What happens if and when you get her back? Will your relationship be made of the stuff that will allow it to stand the test of time and last for the long term, or are you doomed to rinse and repeat the breakup you just went through until you’re both sick to death of each other?
Obviously if you want her back, then you’re thinking it’s for the longer term, and with that in mind, here are three of the most important things that every long term relationship needs. Make no mistake about it. No relationship can survive in the long haul without these things, so read on.
1. Two, But One
You’re a couple, yes (or at least, you’re hoping to be again, after you win her back), but part of what makes couples so strong is that they love spending time together, but they still have and maintain their own interests. You like having an occasional night out with the guys, right? You like having your man cave? Well, she likes those same kinds of things. That time apart is important. It helps both of you stay grounded and keep your individual identities, even as you work on your identity as a couple.
Besides that, it’s just fair play, right? If you’re going to insist on a night out with the guys once a week, what makes you think she won’t insist on a girl’s’ night out? When she does, will you get testy and defensive, or will you just go with it? You’ll have a lot more success if you go with it, and I promise you that your relationship will be happier and healthier.
Finally, nobody wants to date a carbon copy of themselves, do they? That means that while you may have a lot of shared interests, there are, by definition, going to be things that you’re into that she’s just not, and vice versa. That’s okay. That’s normal and to be expected. If you embrace that, instead of letting it get weird, it will work out better for both of you.
2. Sexual Adventurism
You both need to be absolutely comfortable in the bedroom, and part of that comfort means feeling as though you’re able, and your partner is receptive to experimentation. Trying new things. Let’s face it, if you’re not willing to do that together, then after a while, no matter how great the sex is, it’s going to get stale.
When that happens, men are hard-wired to start looking elsewhere, so it’s going to take a firm commitment on both of your parts to keep things fresh and interesting in the bedroom. Yes, that’s going to mean that you’re going to have to take cues from her.
If she’s especially shy, it might take some gentle persuasion to get her to open up and teach you – show you exactly how she likes to be pleased. Trust me though, it’s worth the effort.
Once you get her to show you how you can be better in the bedroom, she’ll be so addicted to what you can do to her that she won’t ever even think about leaving, and that kind of success breeds more of the same. Once she sees how willing you are to learn from her, she’ll be a lot more receptive to things you might want to try. It’s a winning combination.
What I mean here, is that it’s easy to get comfortable in the relationship, especially if it’s a do-over of a relationship you’ve already been in. In order to prevent yourself from getting too comfortable, you need to commit to regular romance. That means regular date nights where you surprise her with new and innovative dates, and once she sees what you’re doing, she’ll start doing the same – again, success here feeds on itself, creating more of the same.
It also means being firmly committed to being in the moment with her. Really focusing on her when you’re spending quality time together, so don’t let your buddies intrude. Turn off the cell phone, step away from the computer or the X-Box and really focus on being in the here and now with the woman you care about.
If you can manage those three things, then when you win her back, you’ll keep her in the long term.
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