Women are largely driven by emotions. Men are primarily driven by their ambitions and desires. You can see the difference in a lot of ways, but it’s especially true when looking at breakups.
If a man initiates a breakup, he may or may not give a reason. There’s always a reason behind the scenes of course, but he may not feel inclined to share what it is, which is why the phrase “it’s not you, it’s me,” gets used so often when men break up with women.
Women on the other hand, will make no bones about it. They’ll tell you, usually in explicit, hurtful detail, exactly why they’re breaking it off with you. Here’s the thing though: You don’t need to wait for the breakup to happen in order to see that there are problems, and at least with most women, you won’t have to guess at what the trouble spots are in your relationship. If you ask them, they’ll tell you. Even if you don’t ask them, they’ll give you a steady diet of clues and hints in the form of emotional communication.
Think about your relationship in the weeks and months leading up to the breakup. Where there signs there of trouble ahead that you just missed? There probably were, because women broadcast that kind of stuff in ways that men just don’t. Men tend to internalize everything till it reaches critical mass. Once that happens, there’s a big explosion and it’s over and done with.
Women aren’t like that. If she’s unhappy, she’ll start dropping hints about that fact. If you don’t see them or ignore them, those hints will keep getting stronger and more obvious until you do notice. If you never do, the day will come when she’s just simply had enough, you’ll get a big, teary-eyed fight, and she’ll end it.
That’s on you though. If you’re serious about being with this woman you’re interested in, then part of that means learning to read the hints and clues she’s giving you. She’ll tell you, using her emotional language, exactly what she needs from you in order to stay in the relationship.
At this point, some men will say that she’s using emotional blackmail to try and force you to change. You should NEVER be with someone who tries to force you to change, but that’s not really what she’s doing. She’s telling you what she needs from you in a relationship.
You have the power. You have the choice. You can either decide that yeah, she’s got a point, and there are some things that you’re doing that you probably shouldn’t be. At that point, you make the decision that she’s more important than those habits you’ve been holding onto, and opt to change and improve yourself. That’s a very different thing than her trying to force you to change.
Of course, you may read the signals she’s sending you and decide the opposite. You may reach the conclusion that nope, what she’s unhappy with is just a core part of who you are as a person, and you’re not changing that for her or anyone else.
That’s your decision to make, and you need to accept that fact and own it. If you decide that it’s something you’re not willing to change, then you know what comes next. Sooner or later, things are going to reach critical mass, and she’s going to end it, if you don’t end it first.
If it plays out like that, then trying to get her back will be pointless, because she’s still going to be bothered by that thing you already concluded you’re not willing to change. In either case though, the writing was almost certainly on the wall a long time before the breakup actually happened. Were you paying attention?
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