She broke up with you. You’re hurt. Your ego and self-esteem took a blow, but you already know you want her back. I’m not going to lie to you and tell you it will be easy, but you CAN do it. Here’s a proven five step process that will help.
In the days and weeks immediately following the breakup, it’s useless to try and get her back. The wounds are still too fresh, and she’s just not going to be receptive to it, no matter what you do, so take some time. Usually about a month, where you don’t even try to contact her. Give both of you the space and time you need to put the fact of the breakup into perspective and put the pain behind you.
2. Figuring Out What Went Wrong
During the “cooling off period,” you’re not just going to be sitting around on your butt playing video games and eating day old pizza. Instead, you’re going to be clearly and logically thinking about the relationship to sort out how and why it ended. Part of it was probably her, but man up and admit it – part of it was probably you too.
The question then, is once you’ve worked out why things went south is, do you want to fix it? If you don’t, then it’s not going to do you any real good to try and win her back, because even if you’re successful, your new relationship is going to suffer from the same fatal flaws as it did before, and it’s just going to explode on you again.
If you are interested in fixing what was broken though, you can use the thirty day cooling off period to do just that, which brings us to the next step…
3. Working On You
After you’ve firmly decided that you want to try and win her back, and once you’ve identified your part in the breakup, now the work begins. You’ve got to restore your self-confidence by getting back out into the world and pushing your limits a little bit, and you’ve got to try and change those bad habits that contributed to the breakup. That’s sometimes not an easy thing to do, which is why most experts recommend taking at least a month apart. It gives you time to make sure those newly formed habits will stick.
4. Planting Emotional Seeds
Once you’ve had an opportunity to work on yourself and right the ship, so to speak, it’s time to start very lightly and casually making contact. You can use the internet (social media and/or email) or texts to get the ball rolling. The idea here though, is not just to send a generic “hello!” message, it’s to remind her of the good times you shared together.
For example, if you live at the beach and used to love spending time on the boardwalk together, you could go there one weekend and send her a text or a selfie from someplace the two of you have good memories of. The text that accompanies the picture could say something like: “Hey – I was just down at the boardwalk and had lunch at that little place where we took your mom that time…made me smile and think of you.”
When you send that, it does two things. It makes her remember that the two of you really did have lots of good times together, and it reminds her that you’ve got a deeper connection with her than just some random guy. You know her family. Those things matter, and will make her miss you.
After you send the text, don’t blow up her phone asking if she got it. Just leave it at that. If she responds, you can amp up the communication a little bit at a time. If she doesn’t, then wait a week and try again.
After keeping a light banter going for a week or two, you can suggest meeting up for lunch (dinner is much too formal, and much too much like a date, so keep it to lunch), “just to catch up.” If she agrees, you’ll have the opportunity to plant more seeds that will make her miss you. Keep doing that, and letting her know that you’re interested and available, and you’ll maximize your chances of winning her back.
Click here to watch a presentation that will show you step-by-step how to get your girlfriend back…
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